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that girl with the broken smile
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[Saturday
April 9th, 2005
1:03am] |
FUCKyou.
I've got nothing witty or cool to say to you anymore because frankly at this point and time in my many vissicitudes of life, I've come to realize that I am a selfish, greedy brat. The end. < 333
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[Wednesday
April 6th, 2005
10:37pm] |
I finally told Katie who I liked.
It feels good to get it off my chest, but still.
I wish..
ohFUCKit.
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[Wednesday
April 6th, 2005
9:50pm] |
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Mr. Shelby said it would most likely arrive this week. God dammit.
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[Saturday
April 2nd, 2005
9:27pm] |
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I havn't gotten my Cabaret video yet. I'm so fucking mad.
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[Friday
April 1st, 2005
8:25pm] |
April Fools Day
Wooooo...
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[Wednesday
March 30th, 2005
8:22pm] |
I got a tan!
Three cheers for staying out in the warm sun for an hour < 33
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[Tuesday
March 29th, 2005
11:45pm] |
No, I lied. Today was actually very interesting.
I went rollerblading outside. Yes, in the fresh air. After going around my street twice I saw someone biking up the pathway to Palo Verde. Guess who it was.
Nevermind. Don't guess. Kameron Kameda. Oh gag.
He actually noticed me first, guess that's what happens when you rollerblade with a skirt -eyeroll-. He stopped his bike and said hi and I said hey and tried to stop but ended up stopping about 20 feet past his bike and I had to rollerblade back and yadda yadda ya. The first thing I realised to be different was his hair. It looked like an afro. I pondered to myself while he was talking why he had done that.
I wish people wouldn't change. At least not people I've known for that long. I've known Kameron since kindergarten. The people I've known since then are starting to change and develop into mature young ladies and gentlemen. And who am I? I'm just Ashley. Still the same bitch/whore/annoying/slut/moron/freak/geek/cunt/loser whatever that I've always been. I havn't changed, I havn't matured. I still act like I'm in 4th grade.
I don't want anyone to change without me. I feel like I'm the only one waving my arms saying "wait for me you guys!" and desperately tying to catch up and yet, I never quite catch up all the way because once I get close, they start moving really fast again.
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[Tuesday
March 29th, 2005
11:43pm] |
Today was boring.
The end.
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[Sunday
March 27th, 2005
11:53am] |
I wish it would be warm outside. I can't wait until summer.
I got a call yesterday from Jake. I want to marry that kid, he's too awesome.
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[Friday
March 25th, 2005
10:35pm] |
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SPRINGFUCKINGBREAK!!
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[Monday
March 7th, 2005
11:37pm] |
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I'm not okay.
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[Tuesday
March 1st, 2005
9:30pm] |
The Mayor of Casterbridge is the most annoying book on the face of the planet. I hate Advanced English. They won't let me turn in late work or anything. Fuck you Mr. Adamski, and fuck you Mrs. Moyer and your god awful large hips.
I'm listening to American Idiot on Launch and they keep bleeping out everything. It's hilarious (:
We got to watch Cabaret twice during assembly (because we're in Theater, we were required). It made me feel really wierd because all my friends were on the stage acting like a bunch of hookers. And then Noel. Ohhhh Noel. Mr. Peter Pan. I remember him from 5th grade all dressed in tights and all dolled up. In Cabaret it was worse. He had white face makeup, black makeup on his eyebrows and blush and lipstick. He was the EmCee. The owner of the Kit-Kat-Club. He did a grand job, don't get me wrong, but holy christ. When he came down off the stage singing, he humped my friend Liza, and then the second time, he humped my friend Katelyn. Poor darlings. After the assembly, Katelyn was all "Noel came down and had a quickly with my knee" and Noel came out on the little stage asking, "Oh, was it you I humped? You know you liked it". He's such a laugh.
You know what I realized what every girl wants? A guy she can go to in her sweats, makeup running, hair a mess and the first things that comes out of his mouth is "Baby, you're beautiful."
I also realized that love is when your heart stops every time you see his face, and you fall in love all over again. I actually got that one from Ciara because she kept badgering me about her boyfriend and how in love they are. it makes me sick and it's not fair. Valentines Day (single awareness day) made me realize that everyone has someone.
Katie + Ashton
Amanda + Allie
Celina + Sunjay
Mandisa + Lee
Shani + Nick
Ellen + Aditya (as freakishly close friends)
Blake + Nick/Jeff
To name a few anyways. The point is that I have nobody right now. Not trying to complain, just it's a little depressing.
The A/C was broken in Math, so we did A oeriod with like.. -3 degrees. What a nightmare. My fingers got numb and i'm almost sure that my lips were blue.
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| ♥ |
[Monday
February 28th, 2005
9:14pm] |
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I'm so excited. I just went on American Mcgee's website and saw the most beautiful thing ever.
God dammit. American Mcgee's Red. When will the genius stop.
Anyways, today basically sucked. I think Jeff is mad at me, I think Garth is mad at me, and I think someone named Morgan is crushing on Gabe. That poor darling. It was such a fantastic day until afterschool. That's usually when it gets bad anyways. I have to go and meet up with everyone, wait for Katie to come, watch Amanda and Allie make out like 50 gazillion times and then go mingle with people that don't really want me there in the first place. I can tell when I'm not wanted, and trust me, the signals are endless. I finally got to go to my phsychiatrists today. It was our first session and it was horrible. I got home at like..6:30. We basically talked about life, and how it's okay to cry. Steriotypical therapist. All he did was shrink me. Bastard. He talked a little about that and gave me some pills that I threw away. That dude seemed like a quack and I'm not taking an medicine from him.
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| x;; |
[Saturday
February 26th, 2005
3:22pm] |
This is possibly the most relaxing song on the face of the planet.
Click here
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| Your mom goes to college! |
[Friday
February 25th, 2005
4:18pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 dorky |
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| [ |
music |
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Jeff's CD |
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Today was okay. It wasn't has hectic and wild and awesome as yesterday, but still a good day all the same. I managed to do 4 chapters worth of notes during the hour they were due. I also actually understood the test we did in science, but that still doesn't mean I did well on it, lol. I turned in like..2/3's of the work that was missing for the semester, and I think that brought my grade up a lot. French was interesting. This dude I used to know came into the classroom and for a moment I was all..whoa, is that who I think it is, and he started staring at me and was like "Ashley?!?!" and I'm like "holy crap!!" and Mr. Losier was like :"Watch your language." and I was like "Saint merde!!!" and M. Losier was all "...Fine, you win." because I said it in french, so hehe. That was chill (:
Finally Friday. FUCK YEAH!...
( Because I'm bored and my parents arn't home )
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| HARDxcorexLOVE |
[Thursday
February 24th, 2005
7:07pm] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
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music |
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FFX - Theme Song..I have no idea. |
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Today was actually pretty awesome. Despite the fact that I have an F in science (which I can quickly fix. No worries..yeah) today was good. I smiled a lot.
After school was the best. I finally got to chill with all my buddies like old times, cept new people. I hung with Blake, Nick, Garth and Jeff and that was awesome. Mandisa came over and stayed until her dad came and we both whored around Garth until I got bored with him and started fooling around with Jeff and left Mandisa and Garth alone kind of. I kept stroking his hair, it's so soft. And all we did was like hug. We sat down and I had his arms wrapped around me and we were all cuddling-like. Mandisa took pictures, ask her to show you xD. He's fab. Lmao, remember Bouf xD. Inside joke, sorry. Teehee.
So basically when everyone else left it was just me and Garth and he offered to walk me home, so we did and I got to his house and he was all "lemme just put my bike away and i'll get you a soda." so we went inside and he put his bike away and i went to sit down and watch TV and he brought me a Dr. Pepper and I opened the can and got Dr. Pepper all over my pants. Lmao XD. He was like "omfg, so sorry!!!!" and he kept on apologizing and I'm like "it's okayyyy!!!!" because I felt bad that he felt bad, lol. Afterwards we started walking back to my house and I got kind of lost so i decided to call my mom and she came to pick me up. I gave Garth a hella long hug when she came and he's like "Dude, your mom is RIGHT there." and I'm like "I don't care." and that was that.
I fucking have an essay to write and two chapters worth of social studies notes AND math due tommorow. Fuck this blows crap. Byeee.
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brokenxxtears's journal
drained